forrest green, forrest blues

I still don't understand how someone I barely knew could leave this much behind. We never dated. There was no beginning to ruin, no ending to explain. Just a short stretch of time where something felt real, and then it was gone.

It was small things that did it. The way talking felt easy. The way I didn't have to try so hard to be myself. For a moment, I felt seen, and that feeling dug in deeper than I expected. I think my heart noticed before my mind did, and by the time I caught up, it was already too late.

What hurts most is that nothing actually happened. There's nothing to point to and say, this where it went wrong. It just... it didn't go anywhere. And I'm left carrying feelings that had nowhere to land. Loving someone quietly, alone, is exhausting. It feels embarrassing sometimes—like I made it all up, like it meant more to me than it could ever have to them.

I replay moments, wondering if I imagined the connection, or if it was real but only on my side. I think about timing, about different choices, about words I never said because I didn't know how. The "almost" haunts me. Almost something. Almost love. Almost a life that never got the chance to exist.

I miss him, but more than that, I miss how I felt when I thought something might happen. Losing that hope hurts in a way I don't know how to explain. There's no closure, just quiet acceptance that they moved on while I stayed behind with the feeling.

Still, I know it mattered. Even if it was brief. Even if it was only to me. It changed me. And maybe that's the hardest part–knowing something so short could leave such a permanent ache.

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